I look into the mirror & I see it is raining again, but not a cloud can be seen from the outside. Sometime I wonder where it comes from, yet I see no cure for the unwilling to openly express. I’ll just put on my happy umbrella & step out into the sun, as I don’t want others to see the rain inside myself.

We will see how long this lasts but for the last few mornings I have been waking up at 5:30am which is insane 4 me! & every time I have decided I am gonna get coffee so I have been walking to a decent gas station, which it feels good to get out & get about 40min of exercise & I get COFFEE! So for myself I am gonna try and continue this as a morning tradition. Heck I don’t have a job I might as well try to improve something in my life.

 

On that note I was thinking about selling my beloved ae86 due to the $2k rebuild it needs on the rear end. This morning I woke up & the 1^st thing that popped in my mind was if I sell that car, then I will never be happy with myself. So as a birthday present to myself I am gonna keep my ae86 & fix her. I’m not sure where $2k is gonna come from but dang it I luv this car & there will never be anything as light as it again in our modern safety designed world.

Well autocross was really fun to run on Sunday as I haven’t really had time to get out and do it much this season, but when I got to run the numbers I realize that I seriously need to clean up my act. I was overly aggressive to my car, thus unable to turn in a single clean lap. I’m pretty sure I overheated the tires (aka traction went to hell on the last lap) & I think that’s partially due to me using too much brake & over heating the brakes as well. But in FWD I just can’t get the thing to handle with out excessive braking. Hmm, maybe its time to go to the alignment shop and see what I can do for all this under steer.

 

Besides 4 that it is July & I know my b-day is coming & once again I kind of don’t feel like celebrating it again. I just don’t feel my life is going in a positive direction and thus celebrating me being a screw up for another year just seems like the wrong message to convey to myself. Yet maybe I’m being a bit harsh on myself as the only real negative in my life is career related…

This was a gift i drew for a friend who made my day a few weeks ago.
Note: rated G
www.furaffinity.net/view/2458200

I JUST WANT 2 SLEEP !... Oh plz merciful god let me fall asleep.
I have the most aggrivating migraine i have ever had in my life. It showed up at 11pm last night & it is so intense i can't even sleep, i have taken so much meds 4 it there is nothing else 2 take. As I watch the sunrise the throbbing in my head gets worse the brighter it gets. I will call this migraine Laura b/c she 2 wouldn't let me sleep when we were together. thinking about alchol but a little worried on the meds i took...

PLz let me SLEEEEP.!.!..!.!

went out w/ people had a good time & enjoyed talking 2 someone new...
i wish i caught his name Angel maybe? grr gonna have to ask next time i see his friend

3rd time in the last 2 months this happened but no worries b/c a luvly wolf picked up this fumbled ferret & the attention he gave me let me forget about my moment & we had a nice time.

Mas <3  2 my wolf

i found this big guy on my porch the other day. I almost thought he might be a pet that got loose. He didn't let me get anywhere close to him, this pic brought to you by zoom! I don't know what it is about our apts as i see tons of toads & lizard.

I had some extra cash & decided to save my self the headache, I paid a shop to work on a car 4 me. It feels so weird as i know i could have done the work but i really didn't have a good place 2 do it. Yet i feel like i shouldn't throw $ away like that, but i just keep telling myself "isn't it nice?" Hopefully this isn't a sign of me getting lazy or old.

So having to deal with some anger I have decided to forgive those who were objectionable as I got to thinking about how none of it changes anything & expectations of people is about as ridiculous as expecting a page of 4chan /b to be family friendly. So forget about it I say to myself. Anyway I wasted a whole day playing Diablo 2… & I remember why I quit when I did. Rinse, wash, repeat; rinse, wash, repeat; rinse, wash, defeat… For some reason I get sucked into games that just waste time like no other & you end up thinking what could I have done today to be more productive. The answer is ANYTHING! At least watching tv maybe would leave me something to talk about to someone. On that note I missed Rescue Me tonight GRRR…

A-kon is like a swanson potpie just Good enough that I’ll do it again. Note this was my 8th a-kon in the last 11 years. The bulk of the panels I went to were enjoyable & I will be trying some new projects b/c of some of them. This also was a 1^st time I actually had a room (& my roommates were decent), no sleeping w/ people for a room (geez, that sounds awful) or in the truck or driving back & forth. It was lovely to run across many old friends from past cons, my fur friends & made a few new ones. I also got 2 pieces of art from the Iron artist + that Amelie drew & ZOMFG she owned it. No offense to the other artist but her technique in the tiny time periods were just on the money & her wit just brought some of the weirdest subjects together. Just think flamethrowers, chainsaws, 2 girls 1 cup & you get a picture of the reactions of Roy Mustang the flame alchemist & Bruce Cambell’s character Ash from The Evil Dead watching that horrid video. She is so brilliant that she should make Guinness beer, seriously!

The Bad::: I lost my voice on Saturday due to events & fun on Friday thus it was difficult to interact at points in a typical manner I am accustomed. In the dealer’s room there were many tables that had the same things of every other table, which happens but this year it seemed even worse then ever. Some panels sounded interesting but they sucked. Also I never got a chance to sit in a video room, so I didn’t learn about anything new 2 me. Also I walked around so much & danced so much through the nights that my calf muscles were on fire! It was so uncomfortably bad I wasn’t sure if I was gonna be able push down the clutch on my car when I went home.

Now the Ugly::: I had to seriously rip my personality in two for this event. It was so the BS didn’t get me down. Some people who I knew I was trying to be friendly with were utterly rude to me in the way they interacted around me. I say around b/c they were too F*(k*n9 snooty to even give me the time. I had more 2 say but I have calmed down like a dragon at the bottom of the stairs. So to them I say they can be run over and left 4 dead as far as I care.

Will be gone all weekend. Pounce me if ya see me unless i pounce ya 1st

Ok, i think i have been ready 4 akon for about 2 weeks 2 early, but its almost here. It will also be an end of an era for me. Lol nothing sad but after akon i will be finding a job & will stop slumming it & enjoy the finer things of life again. I admit slumming has its high side of not having to be responcible for many things like going to sleep so ya show upto work on time, but this has to end as i need health insurance & the extra $ will make life easier to deal with rather than trying to deal w/ broken things.

Ya know when your pretty sure a quick job is gonna be so easy & then things just have to go wrong. Long story short, I had a bolt shear off on a 20yr old car & so for proper response I drill a hole in the remaining metal & lock in the extractor & *SNAP* the extractor shears off in the remains of the bolt. & my remaining drill bits can't pierce the remains of the extractor in the bolt. & out of no where I get rained on... So i grab my tools & wait. Then it stops & the ground drys up pretty quick so i get all my tools out again & soon as i lay on the ground it starts poring down again. SO FORGET IT. I'm going back to bed now

This was one of those lazy days i swore i wouldn't get anything done, but play phoenix wright. Alas random ferret moment I decided to go reorganize the garage. Well actually my tool box in particular, it has not been done it like 7yrs so i figured it was due for attention & thus I tackled the job. Well it turns out I own like 20 of the same spark plug gappers OMG really? Also to surprise I only own 4 philip screwdrivers (all different sizes & badly worn) & I Sh*& ya not 47 flathead screwdrivers of varying sizes.... sigh.But I did find my MIA jumpdrive, which i swore was stollen & was edgy about b/c it had my name on some documents & copies of my fav furry pics (note: I am not openly furry to non-furs). Now why was it in the tool box? I haven't the faintest clue, but i am glad to get it back knowing no one checked it out.

Afterwords, i got to spend time with Bell from hell, a poor jack russell that my grandmother adopted 6yrs ago after some neighbors abandoned her. Sad story but we kept & cared for her since. She obviously has never been trained & runs wild as no one has real time to train her, she also needs like an acre to run around on. Well she got like 4hrs of my attention today, we played in the front yard to her hearts content & I corrected her when she went in bad dog mode, but she does learn quickly for an old dog. I wish someone could reinforce her training as she could be a very manageable dog. Honestly if my current situation would allow for a dog I would take her home, but it doesn't atm. Also it makes me want to get the corgi or pom that I always wanted, but once again my current situation doesn't allow it.

Well life has been good, i have been hanging out with many of my newer friends & enjoying the different atmospheres. Then the best thing ever Charter finally fixed our internet we were getting 1mb down & 100k up which is 3x slower than my old apt, but out of nowhere i noticed a 8min video loaded in seconds! I was so excited i retested & were getting 9mb down / 1mb up which is insane for me, whee! TF2 will be fun again & I'll be watching lots of anime again online. Speaking of anime Akon is coming up I can't wait as i know lots of people going this year, this will also be the 1st year i will have a room to sleep in. no sleeping in my truck or driving back & forth, it will be so nice. After akon i promised myself that i will start looking for a job again & this time i have real motivation, there is a car coming out & i will need some real cash inflow to afford it. Well peace to y'all

Oh I know my roomy & I are meant to be when we both were looking in a sporting good store & we both eye an item & like twins we both say in unison ‘I wish I had one of those.’ In utter shock I was like well why can’t we? We do have room in the dining room & so WE BOUGHT IT! Wheee I worked hard to the left & then the right then gave it the ol’ one, two. Unfortunately my paws hurt after playing with it for over an hour... but it was so much fun. Can ya guess what it is?

One, two, three! a punching bag! Lol kind of silly but I always wanted one, good 4 stress relief & makes for a fun workout.
 

Anyway that is all, wishing all of you a wonderful day, & if you see something you want Buy It! & Enjoy!

Ok, Ya know what? Screw Karma b/c anytime something goes my way & I am being the best little ferret I can be; I get feces flung at me for no reason (stupid karma monkey!). So I don’t know, maybe I’m always stuck in that stupid cliché “the grass is always greener on the other side.” But I feel like I need something in my life to settle me down and give me reason for being here & everyone else seems to have it or conveys that they have it...

Like old time, it felt nostalgic to be working on a farm again. I went down to go work on my step dad’s winery / farm last weekend and just had a grand o' time. There something about the work, it is so soothing & satisfying in comparison to working in the city. The farm consists of 3 grape field: a red , a white & a library for breeding. The rest of the field is filled with a citrus trees & horses. For the most part my business was maintenance on the farm. I got to spray the red & white grape fields for bugs, repaired 2 gates, murdered over a billion ants (sorry to ant lovers, but they had to go!), repaired a sprayer, repaired a tiller, feed the horses. That's when the fun stuff started, I got to make air holes for a burning barrel w/ a smith & Wesson .4o cal & Then I got to yank hard on my best friend out there :P a 33cc CHAINSAW! Oh the joyous sound of the motor bumbling at idle& then the carnage begun! There is something fun about running around and taking out 4 large troublesome trash trees that needed to be cleared for expansion of the grape fields. I used the tractor to tie guidelines so when I cut off big limbs I could control the direction of fall so that nearby fences do not get smashed.

( See pics )
In the long run this makes me think if I could find something to grow that I can confidently grow for profit, I think I would want to start my own farm when I’m older.

Here I am again & i made new practice poi again. This time springy like khyle had mentioned, & OMG I LUV them! I forget the material but its dance wear stuff & its super springy! & I made the weights a little lighter so when i hit myself in the head i can still remember how to do math. It was more expensive but I like the bounciness & they feel really good to spin & yes I got bored & made matching 2 toned rings on the end